I didn’t go to Brad Pitt’s new movie F1 with the idea I was going to be transformed.
And maybe I wasn’t, but that it was something far more existential;
That I finally understood who I was.
And what my life was about.

Because when Brad Pitt’s character explains why he still drives, even though his F1 career stranded at an early stage – and it all went downhill from there – he knows crystal clear what he hopes to find every time he steps into a vehicle:
The feeling of flying.

As long as he has the occasional car to race, it does not matter that he is alone, has no job or financial security that we know of (he’s a hustler accepting only one-off deals) and is living from his van, which carries everything he owns in this world.
This man is on a chase for a feeling few of us will ever know, let alone comprehend.
And yet?
It was the first time I realized what I chase when I write.
And why I keep coming back to it, unswayed and relentless, and at any cost.

The feeling of flying.

I finally understand why I do not chase fame with my writing, under any of my accounts, any more than Brad Pitt’s character Sonny Hayes chases fame.
But that this does not mean that our passion is less fervent, or that our ambition has gotten soft around the edges.
Thanks to the movie F1, I now understand how much I want “it”!

Even when “it” does not come with anything impressive, but I now know:
– I live to write (like he lives to drive)
– I will do it to my dying day
– I will choose it even if it comes with extreme consequences

So now for the first time in my life, I have started rising early to write before breakfast.

When Sonny is told how dangerous it is to get back into the car again and race, he answers if he has to choose between life and driving, he will still choose driving a million times.
Driving is what he lives for.

None of us know how our story will end.

But some of us?
Are pushing mid-flight.

~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
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