Catacombe

I remember finding a box of chocolate mints after a garden party. The morning in our backyard was so fresh, but nothing had been cleaned. There were still bottles and glasses, spread over small side-tables and a folding table.
Worstcase scenario?
First alcohol experiment age six.
Don’t think so, although it would explain disliking the sip of cola I tasted there.

No, I want to talk about the best thing that happened!

Well first of all, the AM discovery really did feel like kids in a candy story. A treasure trove of party leftovers.
Salted peanuts, some crisps maybe. The empty glasses, bottles, full ashtrays and both used and unused napkins, felt like discovering the remains of a world we were not allowed to enter.

But I would probably have forgotten it, had it not been for discovering a box of After Eight dinner mints, which appeared to be empty.
On closer inspection, I discovered 3 to 5 mints, stacked together vertically hidden under the flap.
And the mints were indeed in mint condition, as these chocolates are individually wrapped in black paper bags.

I ate one, assuming it was just regular chocolate, and was a little overwhelmed by the intense taste.
But immediately hooked.

There were other children there as well, and I must have offered to share, but as I recall I ended up eating them myself.
Hooked to this day, and I rarely have them in the house, because I can’t possibly pace myself with them.

Years later I remember a new discovery, which is the text on the back. I expected a whole brand story there, but it was just the name, repeated over and over.
Which was probably for the better, because it already had my personal story.

In the forbidden garden of delight.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I don’t know what scares me more:
The thought of having a full life again, and even busier and more surprising than ever before. With international travel, adventures, and a mission.
But also forgetting the lessons intense isolation taught me.

Or for this loneliness to be eternal.
Which does have the unexpected advantage of never forgetting the profound life-changing insights loneliness gave me.
I would never need a cheat sheet because the lessons would never become a memory in the first place. They’d stay a lived experience.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have so much faith my life will move forward like that first paragraph.
If someone asked me for advice there, about the unnamed fear of losing the only thing, the very gift, their darkest years have taught them, then I would answer:
“Give yourself room to lose it. Be great in the beginning, then deteriorate, talk nonsense. Let people judge you’ve lost it. Let yourself be remembered as someone, who for a very brief moment and through great personal sacrifice, was given an almost divine clarity.
And then dropped back into the limited human consciousness we all have.
Let it go.”

So I will tell myself that too.

But the second one? Tougher. It means an acceptance that you may not matter, and a letting go of the need to ever be witnessed, to ever be acknowledged.
And yet rationally I can see how the path I am on cannot be complete without fully embracing the idea it will never end and I’ll be “here” forever.

What I answer now is this:
Anywhere you want to go, it can only feel good if you consciously chose it.
Including accepting loss, isolation, and aware that in the end;

The path could turn out to have been the destination.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I made a radical decision recently. It’s not quite operational yet, so I still copy it every time I rewrite my schedule of recurring work, scribbled at the bottom.
Exclaiming: “Oh yes! That’s a good one!”
I already forgot it.

So I wrote it out again but when I live and breathe this life slogan, I will no longer need a visual reminder.

The words are this:
“I’m going to love the shit out of everybody I know and meet.”
Woah!

However, I will not be selling you on this as a miracle cure.
Most notably because I have spent years creating distance from others or you could say that “the years have been creating distance.”
So I do not have strong emotional bonds anymore, which was originally not by choice.

The majority of relationships simply disappeared, and where I did actively participate it always had an outcome that seemed inevitable and aligned.

Until a combination of relationships ending or changing, as well as a newfound standpoint about the nature of relationships in the abstract sense, I realized it was all already done.
It had all already happened.
The era where I still actively participated in relationships was over, and I could not go back.

It’s like when you buy a new phone and your old charger has the wrong plug.
It no longer fits your new phone.
In the same way, I was no longer able to dock, recharge or connect with my old life, with a USB 2026 socket.

I am in a rebuilding phase now, pondering questions like:
“Now what?”
When I noticed the tremendous space that had formed itself around my heart.

Love was no longer specific, no longer bound.
And also: Everyone who had ever been there, was still here.

It had become largely infinite and infinitely large.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

It is possible to get over your worst breakups and to experience a full healing, without a trace of what you went through.

Not only will your feelings for the person disappear entirely but, like a magic spell, all turmoil will be erased from your memory as well.
Sure, technically, you will still remember what you went through, and where you were when it happened.

Yet you will also be unable to resist the temptation to turn this whole saga into a juicy story.
The emotional layers will have completely disappeared.

However, the bad news is that it was probably this very breakdown where you promised yourself:
“Never again!”
That allowed it to clear up to the point of you not having any emotions with regard to the person or situation.

And it is from that state of being, that I wonder:
“Is what I can give freely, without the risk of grief uprooting my life, is that still enough?”
And if so, then will it also be enough if a new partner is your Sent-By-God-Divinely-Aligned Twin?

Maybe I’ve watched too many romantic movies – well, I certainly have – that I don’t recognize an emotionally healthy and mature relationship.
‘Cause I’d say, at first glance, the risk averse management of the connection equals you not properly feeding it, but starving it.

Until I got an entirely new thought.
Because what if having your emotions under control, is what is actually REQUIRED?
And not just with divine love, but always!
That we go through heartbreak in service of the next connection.
To smoothen it, like a diamond is polished and refined.

Whether you’re in the midst of it right now, or already cracking jokes about it, know this;
You will not just love again.

But you will love even more.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK