Category: Share Your Work

The most difficult part about being a creator is the trail of work it leaves behind. It has been my achilles heel since the 90s where I dropped out of photography academy because I found the bulk of prints and negatives just overwhelming.

Maybe if we’d spent the first 6 months of training to becoming proper archivists, I would have stayed.
But I left, and when I picked up my creativity a decade later as a writer, I was aware that one of the big perks was that I didn’t create so much stuff.

Not realizing that by now, I would not just face three decades of emails, and four decades of paper agendas – which would have grown regardless if I became a writer or not –
But also countless notebooks, logbooks, workbooks and always several diaries at the same time.
And none of those materials get full;
They get abandoned.

And then there’s the digital legacy of by now thousands of pieces of content, which I have to either bring to print or let them float in cyberspace.
And more Word files that never saw the light of day.

Creation is the easy part.
What to do with it later on, the difficult one.

And looking at the past for wisdom does not make it easier.

Nijmegen is the city where the Lymborch Brothers were born, and they became painters of miniatures.
They quickly made it to the highest levels, working for French nobility, including sharing their table and living at the court.

Yet their work disappeared, and was not rediscovered until hundreds of years later.
Stored so safely, it had risked vanishing from the face of the earth.

The diarist Anais Nin, with whose work I identify most, carried her diaries with her on a transatlantic move, but didn’t publish them until she was in her 60s.
And her erotica, the other ace up her sleeve, was still in the process of being published when she died.

Van Gogh’s work did not sell until after his death.
He never knew his legacy was secure.

Maybe the common wisdom is there is no way to plan it.
You have to let go of the legacy, and focus on the art you’re here to create.

Today.

~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

“Even if I was invited, I would decline.”

There was one friend who understood the kind of investment Sinterklaas in my family, actually entailed.
And that it wasn’t for the faint at heart.

The celebrations have been passed on to the next generation, and I am no longer included.
I used to wonder why I didn’t miss it, since it had been the highlight of my year.

But before I elaborate it’s probably a good idea to explain the Dutch tradition of Sinterklaas.

Sinterklaas is pretty much just like Christmas celebrations, where children get their presents straight from The Man Himself.
But here it’s 5 December, instead of the 25th.

And Dutch children get rhymes with their presents, and “surprises’ which is hand-crafted themed-packaging.

F.e. if you get tickets to a soccer match, you may get a “surprise” in the form of an old soccer ball, and the tickets are hid inside.

However, it is not just a Children’s fest as many adult friend groups or extended families can also have a Sinterklaas party.
They buy presents for each other, make rhymes and surprises too.

And in the case of highly competitive adults all bidding against one another who has made Sint the best rhymes and has come up with the funniest verses;
This is when Sinterklaas-night can become the artistic highlight of the year.
And in our case, it did.

The work you put in was just as rewarding as the night itself.

Every year I made somewhere between 20 and 30 presents, beautifully wrapped and all with a rhyme.
And every year I had no idea how I would get it done.
It was a lot!
But it was so incredibly rewarding.

Yet, I never missed it once it stopped. By then, my creative energy had already found its way into my writing.
52 weeks a year.

This year I even started with a content calendar, which is a production schedule.
By now I create 5 pieces of content per week, for different accounts.

It’s like creating 5 different gifts, and I always fear I started too late and it won’t get done.
But it always does.

As if Sinterklaas still gives it a blessing.

~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

Yes!
I am that one person who did not like the arthouse movie Bugonia.

It was playing at our regular theatres as well, which explains why I saw it.

I do see arthouse movies there occasionally, either intentionally or simply because I forgot to put on my Arthouse Vision Goggles, to detect any movies outside the narrow margins of my cinematic spectrum.

Here in the Netherlands, as well as on YouTube, reviews about Bugonia have been unanimously positive.
Some going as far as to call it the best movie of the year.
And I would have let them and would never have mentioned that I saw Bugonia, had it not been for watching another movie about Aliens within two weeks after my impressive achievement of sitting through Bugonia;
Predator Badlands.

Now that, is what I would call the best movie of the year.

I am basically new to the Predator franchise.
My interest was sparked this year, when I saw a video explaining how 1st generation night-vision goggles in Vietnam, may have provided the story for the first Predator movie (1987).
These goggles were so effective you could even see into other dimensions, and see DEMONS!
😱

And I had also seen the trailer, so I knew this movie was set on a foreign planet, and revolved around a predator (a Yautja), his tribe and the habits of his clan;
And it was about a female robot, or cyborg, I never know the difference.

The Yautja and the robot team up. The Yautja wants her help to kill a large prey to earn the respect of his clan, and the robot needs his help because she has been stuck and also lost her legs.
Both will have to face the harsh reality of the “families” they were born into.

As opposed to Bugonia, there are no humans in Predator Badlands. Only robots and aliens. Including the protagonist, a predator or Yautja named Dek.

And yet, it is this movie that ends up being profoundly moving, with a message about belonging and love.

Predator Badlands, a movie devoid of humans, is about what it means to be a human;
And get it right.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I’ve been right, and I’ve been wrong.
And in the most confusing cases, I was right and wrong at the same time.

Right, because I was definitely on to something.
Something life-changing and potent, like uncovering a Great Secret!

And wrong, because the element I identified as being the key ingredient here, never had anything to do with anything.

I’ve had it with wanting to be a photographer, I’ve had it with choosing to be a yoga teacher;
I’ve had it with identifying as an entrepreneur, yet now expect to be immune to it with my new profession, because now I know.
But I will tell you about that another day.

Today I will take you back to Madonna in 1985.

This was the year Madonna had her international breakthrough.
The summer the world got to know her through Live Aid.
Director Susan Seidelman got herself a blockbuster, courtesy of the unknown Madonna she had cast in a supporting role.
And the year every 13 year old knew exactly what she wanted to be when she grew up;
Madonna.

After what seemed way-too-short a time (the Madonna inspired collections in department stores had not even reached The Netherlands yet!) Madonna changed her look in a way 13-y.o. mini-Me viewed as going from owning the whole fucking world, to owning flower-patterned dresses.
I fell out of love immediately.

Luckily for me, in 1986 Bon Jovi made it big with You Give Love A Bad Name and Livin’ On A Prayer.
We had a radio show on Friday night with Adam Curry. The only one within our borders who was able to pronounce American names correctly.

When he talked over the guitar-heavy intro of your hit song, casually pronouncing your name ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than any other person would;
That was when you were crowned King, here.

Both Madonna and Bon Jovi have known different musical eras, but what I learned is that to me their music was never their defining characteristic.
What got me hooked was them being the Rock Gods of The Universe.

And not appointed by Adam Curry;
But self-proclaimed.

~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

Someone told me it would be a year of great disruption and unrest. She said it with a sense of acceptance and inevitability.

It was the first of January 2020, and I had never met her before. Naturally I completely ignored the forecast yet within months we could all see she had been right.
The prophecy, was true.

A few months ago, we met again. Just like in the café she was the one initiating the conversation.
I tried to figure out how we had met before, but neither one of us had any information that could help me fill in the blanks.
And she didn’t seem to recall meeting me at all.
But afterwards, I knew it.
It had been her, the one with the gift of foresight.

Knowing I saw her again initially brought me a sense of closure. A feeling I have been actively looking for, ever since 2022. 
For the longest time, I’ve been wanting to leave everything behind me. For everything to return to normal, because this is not Me.
This is not my life, and it never has been.

The breakdown started years prior to 2020. Just that I thought I could turn it around, and in particular at the start of 2020 I felt incredibly optimistic! 
But before the end of the year I had stopped teaching yoga and the only thing I thought about was why everything felt so horrible.

So horribly alone.

Fast forward Fall 2025, and here I am remembering I met this woman, twice. And connecting it to a decision I made, just last week. A decision that has been a long time in the making;
This is my new life and I have finally, stopped wishing for a new one.

Which does not mean I don’t have goals and dreams, and that I don’t look forward to the rest of my life.
I do! 

But I’ve stopped wishing for the feeling of belonging – which I miraculously had all my life regardless of its phase – to ever return.

Like all of us who have have lived in isolation, whether chosen as a spiritual practice or otherwise, there comes a point where we are no longer the person who we once were.
The change is now permanent.

Just that I never saw it coming.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

In the 80s and 90s there was a small Dutch museum that unexpectedly became a mayor player in the art world:
Groningen.

They had installed a director who would bring the museum world fame;
Its most talked about expositions;
A new building with spectacular modern architecture built in the middle of a canal;
And more financial mayhem and legal pushbacks any of the city’s officials were accustomed to receiving.

One of the expositions contained so many sexually explicit photos, that it shook whomever heard about it to their core.
And this time, the controversy – the very thought these photos would be in a public space where every innocent museum visitor would be confronted with them – reached unprecedented heights.
Something had to be done.

So they decided to have the most hardcore work all in one central space, and the other works would be shown in the adjacent spaces, I would guess ten of them, all spaces which were connected to one another.
Like one large horseshoe shaped corridor, around one “red hot center”. 

The entry points to the center were closed by huge black curtains, and guarded by attendants who would inform you of its shocking content, beforehand.

The space itself, in the belly of the building was huge!
But it was hot and reeked of the sweat of too many visitors and a ventilation system that was not up for the job.

It was in this space, where our sexual repertoires were expanded.
The anticipation had only made us more susceptible to take it all in, without judgement.

And the media storm subsided.
Until an incident happened no one had anticipated:
A mother breast fed her child at the café of the museum, and she was told that was not appropriate.
While within that very same building, giant depictions of humankind’s most deviant sexual acts were pinned to the walls.

The lessons:
One, objectification and sexualization of women is problematic.
Two, we measure art with different standards.

And three, when that one enfant terrible offers to make you a star?
They could be telling the truth.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I don’t have any pictures to go by, nor can I refer to my agenda because I always covered every page with perfume commercials and other glossy 80s clippings, as soon as the week was over.
But I know I was young, very young.

Yet, I was one of the hundreds of thousands of teens who bought a card to travel the country by train, on a shoestring budget.
And pre-mobile phone, so largely untraceable.

And it was actually meant for very young teens.
I remember this because there was also the follow-up card, which was to travel internationally.
This one was way more expensive, probably due to international collaboration with railway companies who had little to gain from grooming Dutch teens into becoming lifelong train users.
The international card for young adults was less popular, but I think it did help to get the national one more accepted, since it downgraded it basically to a baby card!
Something no parent could refuse.

The best practice at the time was that parents were left a travel schedule, containing sleep-over addresses of their offspring, in particular if it were relatives of the friend you were traveling with, and not their own.

The days of free traveling were a tremendous confidence boost for any teen who was given this chance.

And in retrospect, I think this can be traced back to two reasons.

First of all, it showed you were deemed responsible enough to travel alone.
It was a vote of confidence from your parents, in your capabilities.

And secondly, because of this, it also provided you with a protective umbrella.
Teens who did this were not runaways, nor lost.
The card provided you with the status of a real traveler, who was backed by both parents as well as Dutch Railways.
That, is powerful.

And it makes me think of all the situations where we have started measuring exclusively to the benchmark of SAFETY.

Losing sight of values like personal power, resilience and growth.

Values like standing on your own two feet.
And taking on the world.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

It is a crossover between a museum and a theme park. But unless you live in the Netherlands and also have children, you have probably never visited the Dutch Railway Museum in Utrecht.

When we arrived there was almost no one there. It was still early, 10 AM on a Saturday.
But if you’d arrive at a theme park on the first train which arrives just as the gates open, the train would have been cramped and upon arrival you’d have to go straight to the most popular rides to make the most out of that first hour when there are fewer people in the park.

But we had none of that.

The train was quiet, which was a relief after total chaos and mayhem we’d had on the other lines to Utrecht.
And in the quiet museum the large food court was already ready to serve us, despite there only being a handful of visitors yet.
It was like heaven, if heaven was a theme park that welcomed guests with a cup of well-earned coffee and a remedial bagel.
The dark rides and thrill rides could wait.

After that we were still in time to be among the only ones in the ride which had brought me there, The Trial By Fire Ride.
The reason I wanted to go there, was because the script of two centuries of train history, was written and narrated by the late Rutger Hauer.
He was actively involved in creating it and can be seen in a long video at the beginning of the ride.

The ride itself is a train simulator which, coincidence or not, also rides through a Bladerunner-like futuristic landscape at high speed.

At the museum the best displays can often be found in the entrance halls and queuing areas.
So you can read them while you wait.
But the disadvantage is that if you would choose to not do a certain ride, you also miss out on these beautiful vintage displays.
And on Rutger Hauer teaching on trains.

I think the museum has clearly been betting on two horses, which means you’ll never be one for the masses.

But you could be the only one Holland’s biggest movie star has ever graced with their presence.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

Last weekend, a visit to a museum I had been looking forward to, fell through.
Train traffic to the area had been cancelled due to maintenance.

The reason I wanted to visit was because they currently have an exhibition on Erotica, which is a topic that has fascinated me even before it was age appropriate.

Credit to my parents, because although they were never part of the Flower Power movement, which did the heavy lifting of cracking open suffocating moral standards that dated back to the dark ages;
They were modern and up to date in their beliefs. 

I did not, nor do, consider our family anywhere near the sexual frontier of liberation, but there was absolutely a fair amount of space to develop myself.
And my love for erotica, in some shape or form, was an integral part of that.

So when the visit to the expo fell through, I was disappointed.
But I decided to go ahead and create something for myself.

In one day, I came up with a homemade vintage erotica exposition.

I visited a thrift store, as well as a vintage store on wheels.
Supplemented it with treasures from my own collection, and created a vintage slide show with a collage mishmash from everything I had seen that day.

Including a room where you could watch Ryan Gosling movies, if you didn’t want to go into the exhibition.

The whole thing was such an amazing experience.
Because in order to have a good time;
You have to bring your own.

Your own enthusiasm, your open heart, your own experience and your courage to try something new.
And then?
Oh, the whole world can match you.

And if something falls through, you find something else.
Or go watch Ryan Gosling dvds, and be completely fulfilled as well.

~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

links to My Vintage Erotica Art Show:
blog or Instagram

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK