Exactly one year ago, I woke up in an elegant and fully booked hotel, or so they had warned me would be the case because even 16 months in advance, they could see coming there would be three events in and around Groningen, all in the same week.
If I wanted a room an early booking would be required and I would not get any money back if I would cancel.

The pandemic with its dramatic drop in bookings and its high rate of cancellations, had tightened the windows for anyone looking for a room, but this hotel, understandably, had really took the time to reverse engineer their methods to make sure that whatever liabilities they had been covering for, were now with their guests.

And when I arrived 16 months later, the hotel indeed had been fully booked for over half a year.

The day after, Groningen, 24 June 2022.
A hotel right next to the park of the concert location.
I woke up so unbelievably sick from having been on my feet the entire day before, and standing at the rail of a Guns N’ Roses concert the day prior.
All I could think was “never again” and “Oh God”.
I barely ate breakfast, which is saying something because I always eat huge ones, in particular in hotels.

I didn’t regret attending, because to this day I think it may have been the best day of my entire life.
But I was happy to start the journey home, feel better on my way home already, and have the rest of the afternoon and night to recover.

Thirty years prior, I had also woken up in a hotel.
The Hilton, in Rotterdam!
Next to Central Station, so it was very practical.
But this one I had not booked months in advance, because I had been saving for it, Dutch guilder by guilder, taking it from my shopping budget every week, or whenever it fell into my pocket somehow.
And when I had 360 guilder I booked the hotel, about a month prior I think. By telephone and perhaps confirming by fax.

Then too, I woke up the day after a Guns N’ Roses concert, but the mood could not have been more different.
Just like I would 30 years after, I had been on my feet the entire day, and due to logistical and a medical problem (as we learned decades later through Google!) the band had been on stage hours later, in Rotterdam, The Netherlands.
23 June 1992

Contrary to what seems to have turned into one of the unshakable truths of the 90s, Guns N’ Roses being late in Rotterdam was not antagonistic nor a statement of rebellion, nor were there issues with local authorities.
Who would actually be thanked from the stage.

The atmosphere had been amazing, but boy what a long day that was!
And just like 30 years later, the sun had shone, mercilessly, all day. But this time I had been in it, whereas standing first row will protect you from the sun because of the shadow from the stage.
In many ways 1992, had been more intense than 2022.

In 1992 I had been standing in the sun, did not have a rail to lean on, yet I had gone out to get a drink in town after arriving in the hotel and taking a shower late at night.
In the morning I was still so happy and I stayed and hung out with new people I had met the night before.

I did not head home until 2, 3 in the afternoon, and I remember being;
Exhilarated.
Thrilled.
High, but of excitement, nothing chemical.

The difference between going to Guns N’ Roses and then sleeping in a hotel, thirty years apart, could not have been more stark!

And yet both times I thought:
“Yesterday 23 June, was the best day of my life.”

And here I am, one year after waking up in Groningen.
Thirty years after waking up in Rotterdam.
One day after making an important decision.

I woke up groggy from a series of events that have been going through my mind for weeks now. And yesterday I made a very important decision.
I broke up with something, understood I had to let it go. But instead of waking up happy, I woke up feeling horrible.

And I wondered how it is possible that I feel so groggy, so sick, when I DID NOT, go to a Guns N’ Roses concert yesterday!
Was I that old?!
That I now wake up like this, for making decisions about things in my life that are no longer fitting?
Do I now get hangovers from what I would call the natural rocking, of life?

But this is my message to you, Rock Star:
These hangovers?
Whether because you drank, or because you’ve been standing in the sun, on your feet all day, or because apparently things have been bothering you like in my case?
This grogginess?
It is a good sign.

Just like me remembering to be so excited 30 years ago, unstoppable, intensely happy 30 years ago, was a good sign too.

And just like when you have sex and afterwards, when they are gone and you are alone, the emptiness, the neediness, the clinginess, smack you in the face?
It’s all a good sign.

It is a sign something amazing happened. Something moved you, something GOT to you.
And we will not always have the luxury of it being planned, and of having the day off.
But we always have the ability to notice that we feel so overtaxed, not able to eat breakfast, or lonely to the bone.  
That a big black hole is consuming us, and yet we cannot make ourselves connect because the emptiness has already made its way into our hearts.

But know, my beloved Rock Star, that it means you’re still alive.
Something amazing happened to you, as you were shaken, whether expected or taken by surprise.
You were literally rocked.
Which is so much better in so many ways, than being lulled to sleep. So much better, than living under a lie of convenient lies and a planned life.

Feeling horrible means first and foremost you have NOT lost your ability to FEEL.
You still, have your biggest asset.
Your emotions.

But having said all that?
If you can?
If you somehow do have the luxury of taking time off to integrate, to process, to feel your feelings and get a better understanding of why this one hit you so hard?

Then let this day fall by the wayside, Rock Star.

.
~Suzanne
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Then let the day fall by the wayside, Rock Star
| 2023 06 24 The day after
is the twelfth Catacombe Rock Star post
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