your confusion is created by the normal of others

You know something is off before anybody else does.
If you’re underachieving, when you’re on the wrong path, or whether diabolical powers are leading you astray.

Do not wait for others to affirm your reality.
Get it fixed.
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For the past couple of weeks, I have had a big shift happening in my personal life, that really hooked into my identity.
It was tied to who I thought I was, what my mission was, my priorities.
It was the most tangible accomplishment I had from a mission I had set out on at Ash Wednesday 2007.
So that’s a long time.

And it was tempting to fall into thoughts of that it had all been for nothing, led to nothing, and other fatalistic conclusions about how I had chosen spent my life these past 17 years.

The other big thing that shook me this month, was also rooted in an event in the past.

In 2013-ish I sought help for something medical, which I dropped the moment I realized how much stress the exam was going to give me.
Only to pick it up this month, after years of having been sent away with complaints that in hindsight, were related to 2013.
They were never separate, superficial, normal things, due to aging.

Over the course of years, similarly to 2013, these new things had been treated both by me as well as the professionals, as things that had a binary cause of A. something life-threatening where time was of the greatest import, or B. something completely innocent that was totally normal for my age.
And we usually went for B.
Or after a brief exam for A, then B.

When in fact it was C:
Something slow moving or even stable, and that I failed to get diagnosed in 2013 because I bailed out.

C: Something in all probability benign (since it’s obviously slow moving) yet that can and is, still very much affecting me partially because I/we didn’t know what to lookout for.
We didn’t know what to expect.

Maybe in 2013, it could even have been treated and I could have been cured.

So, what do these two seemingly unrelated things, of my 2007 quest and the “result” going up in thin air, and a medical exam I called off in 2013 and the consequences I have suffered because of it, have to do with each other? 

They both revolve around a sense of normalcy and internalization.

Because the truth was, this quest of mine on Ash Wednesday 2007?
It was done the moment I decided to undertake it.
The identity-defining aspect to myself I occasionally panic about that I lost it?
That was never the identity-defining part at all, nor was it the result of a quest gone right.

By undertaking the quest, my sense of normal had changed, my sense of who I was had changed.
That cannot be acquired by external things happening, nor can it be taken away.

The medical advice I sought in 2013 did not have such a moment where I owned both what MY NORMAL had been, until 2013;
Nor did I OWN the knowledge something was off.

Although I was an active participant in the quest, and felt more a passive and not particularly compelled consumer with regard to the medical path, the result was the same;
I was looking for outward validation for something that was an internally felt thing.

The quest was never meant to lead to HAVING certain viable things or results;
It was about BEING a totally different person.

The medical journey should never have been about GAINING certain viable things or results;
It should have been an acknowledgement that something was completely off and NOT NORMAL, for me!
I had changed.
The shock I was in, resulting in a rushed jump onto the medical treadmill, was  set out to see if something medically threatening was wrong with me, when I was aiming on getting my old self back, my sense of normal.

Other people’s opinion or interest, or any form of external and material validation (or lack thereof) are not a part of who we are.
This means two things.

Only you know when you are NOT, on your path, NOT living your normal;
Only you know when things have shifted for the worse.
From 2013 and up, I should have owned that the string of things I sought medical attention for was absolutely not normal FOR ME, and should have dismissed all reassurance that it was normal or fine.

But it also means that once you are ON path, like the one I stepped on in 2007;
It’s done.
There is nothing more to say or to do.

This, is now your new normal.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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~Suzanne

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THE ROCK STAR

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THE ROCK STAR, is Catacombe’s signature 3 hour session, for those stepping over the trap of other people’s normal, with seven-league boots.

THE ROCK STAR is a one-time investment, and our conversation is confidential.

To book, email me at:
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Once we know we are a good fit, my price is accepted by you and you choose to make a booking;
We move.

It is possible the above story has already given you an outline of what you want to discuss.

If you think you would benefit from a broader approach, my suggestion will be to sort your story into:

1. the earthly plane
Your possessions, worldly matters, income streams, worries and responsibilities you fear you can’t meet.
A helpful term could be how do things look from the perspective of financial freedom, or worldly freedom.

2. your purpose
What is the work you love doing, what are the moments big or small, that you know you are aligned. Has God told you, what you’re here for?
This is about creative freedom, or even karmic freedom.
Are you free to do the work, that is yours?

3. your Rock Star expansion
What is the fullest expression you are here to bring?
And what are the areas you’re playing small, as if cut off from your powers?
We investigate if in those areas, the rules you play by are yours, or society’s.
“3” is related to sexual freedom.
Like anything, it is up to you if that is part of our conversation or not.

Because all three points are just a suggestion, they offer a good framework providing one hour for every topic, to go deeper looking for answers.
But the setlist is not fixed.

I have merely built the stage for us, and we have three hours.

It is up for you to take it.

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