stop messing with purpose

Beneath the doubt, the fear, the constant checking;
Behind the yearning for validation, recognition, someone to lean on or even just to lean with!

You know why it is you’re here.

—

Today I walked the streets of a rebuilt Roman neighborhood.

I got lost in their alleys, I ate at their inn, I discovered their city villa, centered around the small enclosed courtyard of stone.

I missed the penis sign which had made me wonder years ago, if it was supposed to depict a brothel.
A rebuilt brothel which we had not entered because it had been under construction, but now that I was there, seven years later, I forgot to go into the building and check.
I did not remember.

But I also climbed the wide white stairs of the palace, a wooden throne at its center which the visitors could not sit on.
But it was clear this palace and the large square surrounded by walls, belonged to the ruler of the village.
The palace and its stairs a stage, more than a functional way to enter a home.

And I stood there, in front of an imaginary crowd who had gathered to see their new ruler and I said:
“I shall be your first female senator, and I am your ruler! You will all bow to me!”
And this was after I had already lingered at a high terrace balconies overlooking a hill, saying:
“I could order the troops from here.”
And in my mind I could already hear a horn.

It were playful thoughts and probably inspired by role players who were at the site. I could see roman soldiers left, right and center.
But still the moments lingered in my mind.
They were fiction, yes, but fiction that resonated.

And I realized that whatever it is we do believe we are here to do, it deserves to be lived like that.

We need to find our point of focus, of power, of truth.
To live it, to speak it, to wear it.

Until we can hear the sound of the horn.

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~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
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