your vision board speaks

From the thoughts endlessly mulled over and chewed on
To the unsatisfactory photo where the model didn’t have your hair color
And the random clippings that had a pleasant aesthetic and were (you were sure of this!) without meaning

Your inner-world craft a spell of them.
—

I saw it from the corner of my eye.

The laminated A4 had been used as the backcover to a binder I used to collect my most important blogs in.
Posts I did not want to forget.

Until there were so many of them that even the biggest ring I had for my binding machine, could no longer hold them.
I started a new volume and archived this one on the shelves next to my window.

And as I looked out the window contemplating what I would write today, I saw the old vision board.
Holding on to years of my most important blogs for me.
Which of course, I all forgot.

I took it off the shelves and my eyes went over the landscape A4 of the collage, and wondered what year it was from.
Because my dreams had always been the same.
My role models were unchanging, although every five to ten years or so a new one could be added.
The collage depicted both pictures of me as well as different female stars, all representing different areas of my life.
And pictures of male stars, sometimes together with a woman, representing the men in my life and then the woman represented me.

All of this was eternal.

Yet where I had tried to be specific in what I wanted, I had failed to achieve it.

On the inside of the back cover, so the back of the vision board, I had made a complementary blueprint of how to become that woman on the vision board.
It has blogs and channels and ideas on it, I dropped ages ago.

Signed on the day this quest would begin:
Independence Day 2021

As if my dreams required a battle plan in order to be conquered.

But on the front, every photo with every woman;
Still me.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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