step back

Pushing, influencing, even involving;
It creates chaos, not outcomes.
You have spoken, now be silent.

original posted on my social media
4 July 2023
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Retrieved, blogged, and story added October 2025

It’s like a gate is slowly closing behind me, and I find myself in the process of looking back.
It is humbling to see how little I knew, in the times when I was doing great. And how much wisdom the past 8 years have brought, which were without a doubt the worst ever. 

They may not even be over, and I no longer need them to be.
To be okay with everything staying the way it is, it is the litmus test if my new philosophy, or mindset whatever you want to call it, is working.

As long as I am still dependent on external circumstances to change, then I am not done.

Any parts of the past 8 years which would still cause a meltdown if they happened again?
Aspects that need solving?
Urges that need satisfying?

Then they go on the (for now) imaginary To Do list, of things that need more time at the drawing board, or meditation cushion.
More deep conversations, more connection, more movement as well as more stillness.

Any part of the past 8 years that still stirs up emotions is a sign I have not been able to extract its lesson that will serve me forever.
Still not cracked its code.

And unless I do, that will always be a liability and I cannot have that.

The past 8 years have brought me a vision, of how I want my life to be;
My professional life, my private life, and even which (small) part of my work I want to curate, and leave behind.

But more than anything these years taught me that the gift is in knowing these things.
In having something to strive for.

Whether or not I achieve it needs be ingrained;
As entirely irrelevant..

~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
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ABOUT THE LOST POST SERIES

I have been consistently posting “What Do Rock Stars Need To Hear Today” for a while now.
Starting June 2023, they found their final form as blogposts here on the Catacombe blog, pretty quickly.

But I’ve always been aware there were singular posts/ borderline poetry, still on social media, floating somewhere down my timeline.

Some at the beginning when I did not know what this series would be.
Some around the time in October/November 2023, when I lost access to this site.
And then a few in between.

And in addition to that there are the ones I did post on the blog, but whose stories revolve around things I no longer offer.
I will retrieve those too;
And give them a new story, that has the timeless quality they deserve.

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