who else is on f- speed dial?

Proverbially speaking, since neither speed dial nor calling are a thing anymore.
Worst of all, in the majority of cases the “who” has become an It.

What app or website has the
– for-a-fact way too big –
honor of your daily and undivided attention?

—

Last summer I took the step of raising the bar in my friendships. Because even though I have never shied away from breaking up with friends, and regardless of how messy it got – in fact preventing the messiness of it, was my prime motive for opening the conversation when there was no drama – I had still not achieved a 100% alignment.

I only sent it to the friends who are not professionally tied to me, nor connected through family bonds.
So the letter did not go to all friends, but only to the ones who had the freedom to end our friendship, without there being any consequence or awkward situations arising in real life.

So I wrote this letter but since I was unable to formulate the higher principles – which I knew for a fact were the root cause of our seemingly irrelevant differences – I narrowed my desires down to pure execution.
Although there was obviously some exposition on why I wrote the letter, at its core were the specifics, of what I would be needing moving forward.
Or not moving forward, if they chose that.

In sexual and romantic relationships there is a new culture and custom on the rise, of being transparent in asking consent and managing expectations beforehand. Not after boundaries have been crossed and people have slept with each other where one thought it was exclusive and the other was going to gaslight their way out of any meaningful connection with “texts” that turned emoji-only in a cold heart-beat.

This new practice of two people rooting their romance in communication,  and clearing up any grey areas where misunderstandings can create unsafety, originates from higher risk relationship styles such as polyamory, BDSM and D/s.
The final abbreviation stands for dominant submissive play, as hinted at in the movie Babygirl.

The new practice, where there is so much more thought put into the interaction and with way more communication than ever before, can also be found in the medical world and is described with two terms:
Embodied Consent
and
Informed Consent.

Embodied consent means that just someone giving their spoken consent is not enough, they also have to embody that they are okay with the suggested path or procedure.
With the concept of Embodied consent, ignoring a patient’s (or a partner’s) body language becomes just as big a deal as ignoring a No.

Informed Consent means that the other person has access to all information necessary in order to foresee the consequences of their choice.
Leaving out complications that 10% of patients will suffer after an operation is a violation of Informed Consent.
Not saying you will not want anything to do with them after you’ve had sex with them, is a violation of Informed Consent.
You forced your will by deliberately holding back information.

As is probably already obvious from the above paragraphs, I have given this topic of consent and deliberate interactions an incredible amount of thought.
And I have come out a Believer.

I believe that this carefully created safe space, the one most of us have only heard of, and that traditionally belongs in the riskiest of professional as well as sexual liaisons?
That this is not just the standard we should all aspire to;
But require.
And at the most basic and visceral level.

The great thing about this whole concept of consent, is that it is extremely actionable.

Just like with my friends, where I suspected difficulties in communication were expressions of more abstract things, like conflicting interests and different values, things I would not be able to address or word properly;
Consent brings the conversation to execution level.
Similarly, the letter to my friends also kept it simple.

In a way too long letter, I covered three areas.
How we got here.
What I could no longer offer, and why.
And I told them what our friendship would be like, if they chose to continue.

Although I understandably lost friends, it was overal far less dramatic than it would have been if I had kept it going to the point of collapse.
Collapse of me, them, and the friendship.
But the icing on the cake was that I got so many super cool letters from people whom I had not expected to hear from in such detail.
And several friendships have even gotten deeper and better since then.

So this is all half a year ago, and I considered it a private matter and “just” one of the many areas where 2024 was an important year.
Until today….
Because boy!
Talk about sweating the small stuff!!!!

My whole consent-boundaries-safe-space thing for friendships and for ALL other real life relationships as well?
That is nothing, compared to the time I spend online.

And the contrast between me attending to my most intimate relationships when at the same time holding the door open for the whole world to march in with their dirty feet, becomes even starker if I give you one of the key elements I said I could no longer deliver in friendships.

WhatsApp conversation.

Anyone who chose to be in a friendship with me, had to understand WhatsApp was going to be limited to a tool to set a date or schedule a telephone call.
That’s it.
Staying in touch through WhatsApp would no longer be on the menu, it was going to be calling or dating-only.

There was also another option if you needed help, so I definitely explained how I could be there for you in good times as well as the bad.
But I was aware that I took something off the menu, which was casual connection, that a lot of people valued and even needed.

So like I said, this all was months ago, and my friendships have never been better, and I didn’t think much of it.
Until today.

Because why on earth am I so demanding in my friendships when at the same time I still check news and social media every day, and binge on YouTube videos every time I can use some entertainment?

Even the word “casual” would be labeling my online behavior too positively.
I do have boundaries, in terms of the times when I am online (f.e. I do not sleep with my phone in the room) but otherwise the behavior itself, is not intentional at all.

I have supercool playlists with interesting videos, one even with the name “My TV channel”.
Meanwhile I just let myself be seduced by the YouTube algorithm. YouTube decides what’s on, not me.

With Social Media I am a little better for sure. And there really are people with whom I just love seeing their daily content, and I love knowing what they’re up to!
I’m genuinely so grateful they let me/ us into their lives!

Until today, where I thought:
“Wait a minute!”

How can anyone showing up online be more important than my true friends? If I continue my current behavior, then what I apparently basically wrote summer 2024, was:
“You cannot message me in between dates, but if you post to Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn or make a YouTube video (which is my favorite, hint!) then I will show up and be invested in you.”

Holy Christ……
I cannot believe it took me 6 months to figure this one out.

So invitation to you, Rock Star!
Where are you annoyed by group chats or people texting you, when at the same time you ALSO have notifications on from half a dozen apps?
Constantly refreshing pages so that you get to see a news headline within minutes after it has been added?

You sense something is overwhelming you when it’s people you know.
But at the same time you’re letting the world in, unchecked.

You’re saying to your friends/ family/ co-workers/ peers/ pets but also to your children and partner:
“I need you to respect my boundaries.
But here’s a gazillion people who have my undivided attention.”

The people you share your life, street, or city with, should always have a higher status than anyone and certainly than anything, you find online.
Cutting corners here (I know!) because a lot of great causes and activism are also depending on your willingness to show up online.
But you get me – 
We must be mindful and intentional.

But think of it like this:
In the Netherlands, whether officially or just by custom I don’t know, you don’t have to answer work emails after office hours.

Similarly, regardless of where you live;
You don’t have to engage with the world in your free time.

YES!
You can dedicate a certain moment every day to stay updated and participate.

But the world should not be on fucking speed dial.

Instead use your engagement, your curiosity, talents and focus to think about how to create a wonderful, exciting, alluring, maybe even sexual, safe space for all those intimate, close by, soul-aligned people you have in your life.

Starting with the most important person;
You.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

your persona is a necessity

And for more reasons than one, and none of them because your ego needs pampering.

The world has changed, and far, far more than we can currently comprehend.

But we can no longer walk around barefoot.

—

The past five months, my work has absolutely flatlined. The moment I started a Dutch yoga company called “De Club“, which meant I had to set-up both a local yoga business again, as well as create content for my Dutch YouTube channel, where I would run the same program as in my classes;
Nothing, got done.

And because in many other areas of life, October 2023 to February 2024 have been five drama-filled months, it took me a while to realize that the reason of the flatlining was a different one.
That even though after a hiatus of being a yoga professional, I had obviously given this whole idea of starting teaching yoga again a lot of thought;
It had not been enough.

I had never been blocking because of circumstances, the blueprint of my new yoga work was simply incomplete (at best).
The design had not been completely thought through, and it had been the circumstances, which had prevented me from muscling through.

A blessing in disguise.

Because even though the series and the classes had already begun, and I have felt bad about not promoting them and about not creating new content for this series which was supposed to have weekly videos (or I did create it, and then threw the videos away);
It would have been worse if I had been able to sustain it.

If after six months of creating content, and promoting my classes promising a certain thing- I was then brought to a halt because of things happening in my life, and then put in reverse because I no longer felt a click to the work I was offering.

At least now, the damage is minimal.

The short version of what happened is that I was too focused on the yoga  itself, both in my videos as well as what I thought my classes would be about-
That I had overlooked the world has changed so much, the real work lies  in there.

In changing the world.

In teaching “yoga practitioners” at a very early stage, ages before they will even think about starting yoga, how to create a LIFE, that can actually hold yoga.

Similarly to me needing to focus on creating a LIFE, that can actually hold making yoga videos and running local classes.

I call it teapot and tea;
If we don’t have a teapot (our life does not have structure), then we cannot hold tea (a yoga practice).
Learning yoga, or making plans to do yoga, will not be effective until we have a structure it can go into.

Just like a plan to make yoga videos and to build new local yoga classes is futile, as long as I do not have the life structure in place that will hold this.

I even created a new international platform, Club Local Yoga, to do this work for the world, because the way I see it, we’re all in it.
No one, has escaped their world and reality having been altered to one that can no longer hold yoga, or any of the things we used to take for granted.

The teapots of our lives, are broken.

The way I see it, smartphones and internet have been hacking our brains, compromising our sense of time and affecting our ability to focus on our body. To focus on the now.

Internet and smartphones have doubled our realities, and multiplied problems of keeping our thoughts coherent and on things that matter.
Every click brings a new algorithm fighting for our attention.

There is too much to talk about, and this blogpost has already surpassed the level of being a quick message for Rock Stars.
But let me illustrate it with this;

Where having a “Rock Star persona” in the 20th century was something you only needed if you wanted to become a Rock Star, whether in music or in a different field, a different career;
In the 21st century, having Rock Star boundaries, focus, boldness, and faith in yourself, is a prerequisite.

Fifty years from now they will look back at the tens (2010-2019) as the time we all disappeared into our phones. Where most of us drowned, in the flood of media. Where we no longer had free will, but were ruled by the noise of the world.

My guess is in the late 30s, we will see a broader movement on the liberation of people from their phones and other media.
Leading to a time when we know how to balance the online with the offline.
To create a teapot that can hold both a smartphone as well as yoga, and other things we value.

But until then, it’s going to require Rock Star strength for you to be successful IN the world, which will largely require your online presence too;
And at the same time to be offline, and train and preserve the concentration and PRESENCE, that is an incremental part of your skillset.

It will require every inch of your Rock Star personality, and for extensive periods of time, to keep your teapot whole, your integrity intact, and the foundation of your life in place.
So you can build a life.

And the blink of an eye, to see it burned to the ground.

.
~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer

God doesn’t hand out nice-to-have’s;
But qualities that serve a higher purpose.
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THE ROCK STAR

.
THE ROCK STAR, is Catacombe’s signature 3 hour session, where the teapot analogy is just the beginning of what you know your life is here to hold.

THE ROCK STAR is a one-time investment, and our conversation is confidential.

To book, email me at:
s_beenackers@hotmail.com

Terms and conditions at:
https://catacombenijmegen.com/terms-conditions/

Once we know we are a good fit, my price is accepted by you and you choose to make a booking;
We move.

It is possible the above story has already given you an outline of what you want to discuss.

If you think you would benefit from a broader approach, my suggestion will be to sort your story into:

1. the earthly plane
Your possessions, worldly matters, income streams, worries and responsibilities you fear you can’t meet.
A helpful term could be how do things look from the perspective of financial freedom, or worldly freedom.

2. your purpose
What is the work you love doing, what are the moments big or small, that you know you are aligned. Has God told you, what you’re here for?
This is about creative freedom, or even karmic freedom.
Are you free to do the work, that is yours?

3. your Rock Star expansion
What is the fullest expression you are here to bring?
And what are the areas you’re playing small, as if cut off from your powers?
We investigate if in those areas, the rules you play by are yours, or society’s.
“3” is related to sexual freedom.
Like anything, it is up to you if that is part of our conversation or not.

Because all three points are just a suggestion, they offer a good framework providing one hour for every topic, to go deeper looking for answers.
But the setlist is not fixed.

I have merely built the stage for us, and we have three hours.

It is up for you to take it.

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Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn