clear the road

It’s not the big things you trip over;
It’s the small stuff you allowed, without realizing it could undermine everything.

Excellence means the ruthless removal of all, that is not.

—

Recently, and I mean less than a week ago, I discovered the oddest thing in my relationship style.
Because although I have had a close to lifelong awareness that my love relationships have been excellent, compared to how I have seen other people struggle with it, all the drama seemed to have moved to a different area of life;
My friendships!

Where I know very few people who ever had breakups with friends, and in my circle of friends even fewer, I have had many.
And just like people who have difficulty with love relationships can ultimately, one day, only come to one conclusion, so did I!
The common denominator was of course, me. 

My friends were not to blame because their rep sheets had been a hell of a lot better than mine. Whereas my friendship rampage would continue without them.

Not like crazy drama queen rampage, though.
My friendship breakups have occurred at the same sparse, erratic pace regular breakups do.
And just like with those, I had been sensing something was off for a while.
Yet the breakup itself always came as a very unhappy surprise, and a shock even. Because I had been deluding myself for so long, I was now confronted with both a friend walking out, as well as having deluded and betrayed myself for years.

I had ignored the gut feeling something had been wrong, and thought if I would just try harder, it would go away.
And then it didn’t.

My friendly-not-so-friendly breakups also shared the messy dynamics, that a breakup between partners usually has. As in that there was never one person guilty.
There were “it’s not you is me moments”.
And other insincerity.

But judging from the relief I felt afterwards, I conclude that regardless of how it went down, I had had a say in it.
A big one.

And this summer, after more than a week of sleeping poorly, fussing over a friendship that was showing tear, I decided to take the bull by the horns.
And address my friends.

Or the majority, because I only wanted to send the letter to friends with whom I had no other ties.
If they wanted to end it based on what I wrote them, there would be no practical consequences and they could walk out without ever having to see me again.

The goal of the letter was not to keep them all in my life, but to make it a controlled breakup.
Because a life of messy friendship breakups had taught me that if I waited the friendship would ultimately blow up, with blood everywhere.

That had been the biggest difference between me and other people:
Where they had their emotionally messy breakups in love relationships, I had had them with friendships.

I learned how to control love relationships ages ago. By now my heart will never be broken in a massively disrupting way, ever again.

But friendships?
I have got decades of explosions.
Like I said! Nothing maniacal! 
And they are irregular, ranging from every year and the longest I have gone without a friend breakup is 8 years.
Exactly the type of pattern I expect breakups in love relationships would have for others.

So, I wrote them letters and ever since then I have been on and off, wrestling my own thoughts. Wondering, how I had ever dared to do this? Risking my whole circle of friends.
And at the same time coaching myself through it, that this was the right thing to do.
That I had to first set everybody free, in order to prevent more ugly breakups.
I needed the choice to be my friend, to be a new one.

A choice, with the understanding that I would only be doing the things I knew I was good at, and that had a proven record of resulting in great relationships.
I would no longer be doing things, I knew I was bad at.
Because they had proven to be at the root of all evil.

Catering to parts of a friendship I totally suck at, had proven to be a huge liability.

I do it because it’s normal. Because I think it is expected. Because I think the other person will think I don’t love them if I don’t. And so on and so forth.

When in my best friendships?
I don’t do ANY of that!!

I could map out a list of things, that if I am doing them in a friendship?
They go straight to the breakup nominee list.
I tell myself I am being a good friend, but in reality I am digging a hole in the ground to bury it.
A trap, for the friendship to fall into, and that I can say I didn’t have anything to do with it.

In these long days of waiting, I have come to understand, that you should never be doing what is not your zone of genius.
Not unless you want to give yourself an easy ticket out, without having to take responsibility for it.

If I let someone reject me on things I hate doing, that could be a tactic of course.

Yet if you decide to only focus on what it is you are really good at?
Whether that is within your work, your friendships style, whether it is your hobby, whether it is how you relate to your family;
If you stick to what you know you are really great at?

You will be bringing the best, and be giving the real you. In integrity, and fully authentic.
Which will feel great, I can tell you that.

But the real reason why you should refrain with all your might, to do things you do not want to do, is that those are the things you can also trip over.
And are even at bigger risk, to trip over.

When you’re doing things you do not want and you trip, you end up face down on the road!
Not wanting to get up.
Just like I didn’t fight for those friendships, and was happy they had ended.
I just stayed down until the other person had left.

Make sure they’re 100% authentic and aligned, because you can trip over any insincere thing!

It’s like how in America the FBI has caught the biggest criminals through tax fraud. 
Not for murder or running a mob or a drug cartel.

Just like those American criminals, you will be tripping over the small things that you thought were the least of your worries.
In all areas of life.

The reason my love relationships have become flawless whereas my friendships, and the blowing up of them, was showing no learning curve whatsoever, is because I PAY ATTENTION to all the little things in my love relationships.
I do not leave all the itsy bitsy boundary issues, all the power struggle, consent asking but also consent requirements;
I do not leave those things up to chance in my love relationships!

I make sure that when it comes to love; Our road is clear.
If there is a possible obstacle I remove it, or suggest we take a different path.

If a relationship is like a road trip then for my love relationships I always made sure the car was in good condition. I had a playlist, snacks, the route mapped out, an app to check for alternatives if needed.
I made sure I got a good night sleep, packed for multiple weather conditions, and I arrived in good spirits, and was flexible in what the day would bring and what would be required to let it go smoothly.
I anticipated.

And regardless of how long the trip took, conversation was light and fun. Sometimes a little setback would even give a little kicker, and cracking jokes together would be a bonding experience!
As if we were in competition, who would not get floored by this.

When for my friendships, or at least the ones that proved to be at risk, we just winged it and neither one of us planned anything.
It was not two people bringing their best selves and pulling out all the stops to have a great time.

Any area of life, where you are not bringing your best and most authentic self; 
You are stepping on a road filled with blocks, hurdles and possibly explosives.

When all that time, just next to it;
The lane to being your true self, was completely free.

.
~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer.

signature offer:  The Rock Star 2024

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THE ROCK STAR, is Catacombe’s signature 3 hour session.

THE ROCK STAR is a one-time investment, and our conversation is confidential.

To book, email me at:
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Once we know we are a good fit, my price is accepted by you and you choose to make a booking;
We move.

It is possible the above story has already given you an outline of what you want to discuss.

If you think you would benefit from a broader approach, my suggestion will be to sort your story into:

1. the earthly plane
Your possessions, worldly matters, income streams, worries and responsibilities you fear you can’t meet.
A helpful term could be how do things look from the perspective of financial freedom, or worldly freedom.

2. your purpose
What is the work you love doing, what are the moments big or small, that you know you are aligned. Has God told you, what you’re here for?
This is about creative freedom, or even karmic freedom.
Are you free to do the work, that is yours?

3. your Rock Star expansion
What is the fullest expression you are here to bring?
And what are the areas you’re playing small, as if cut off from your powers?
We investigate if in those areas, the rules you play by are yours, or society’s.
“3” is related to sexual freedom.
Like anything, it is up to you if that is part of our conversation or not.

Because all three points are just a suggestion, they offer a good framework providing one hour for every topic, to go deeper looking for answers.
But the setlist is not fixed.

I have merely built the stage for us, and we have three hours.

It is up for you to take it.

————-.

This blog
What Do Rock Stars Need To Hear Today
started going out daily, on 28 July 2024.

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