Category: That ONE Book (start at any page)

I have a guilty pleasure I never told anyone.
It’s not sexual, but it is perverted.

I love it when soft values are tied to capitalist measurements.

It is a form of modern day heresy, when what we need is more respect for what is of real value, instead of willingly contaminating it with financial language.

It started when I was introduced to the concept of Erotic Capital.
I think there was even a book with that name (just checked! true!) which acknowledged that attractiveness but also sexual experience gave you “capital”. Leverage. Bargaining chips.

It’s one of the few paths where there is still economic mobility:
You can still get doors to open, if you play your cards right.

Now obviously there’s a lot to unpack here about patriarchy and how it enforces beauty standards that suppress women and women’s engagement.
But I won’t go there.

When I write I allow myself to not try to figure out the workings of thousand year old power structures, and can even enjoy the guilty pleasures I discovered in them.

Which is that beauty and sex being capital, was gasoline on my already blazing fire.

Until I snapped out of it!
What was I thinking?!
And forgot it, until the topic resurfaced again. Under a different name, but definitely for the same game.

Sexual capital.
Creative capital.
Social capital.
Sexual Power.
The Power of Seduction by Robert Greene.

And ultimately just:
Power.

Because this had been the key:
I wanted power.

It had all started in 1992, with the movie Basic Instinct featuring Sharon Stone.

I was mesmerized by her. And wanted to know what made this woman so powerful.
Not just her estimated assets of 110 million, apparently.

And it was a lot, closer to home.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
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offers for Rock Stars
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about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I’m happy I didn’t know how long this would take. Not what it was, nor why it happened. I was free to brush it off as a temporary deviance from the normal, attributed the common causes and labeled in a way that normalized it.

But part of me knew it wasn’t.
I was being separated from life itself.
And it hurt.

The first years were filled with connections falling away, that had been difficult for a longer time.
Change that was not necessarily my own initiative, but that I could quickly recognize as being the best for all parties, once they had happened.
There was a certain inevitability to them.

After that another few years, where the relationships closest to me, either fell away or changed at their core.
These were the most disturbing and discouraging years, and yet I still thought I could save something, needed healing, or that these events were comorbid to a crisis or problem that had a name and a solution.
They were not.

Being stripped of all my relationships was what those years were for.

And then finally, as if taken away by unseen forces, all people who had been loyal to me were taken away.
As if a soundproof wall was placed between us.
We could still visit each other, but were no longer connected.

None of this was chosen.
As far as I know I was happy, and I had consistently been happy for as long as I could remember.
I also did not have any urges to glow up my life or do a makeover!

If it had been up to me, nothing major would have changed.
And from my point of view, no result would have been worth this cost.
Yet it happened.

And I am determined to squeeze it for every lesson.

Because this was never ever chosen.
But I will alchemize every horror into gold.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

It is never in the doing of the thing.
Not in the having, not in the seeing, not in the measuring, not in the actual experience, not in the validation, the accolades, the praise or the approval.

It, the dream, the goal, the new life of unicorns and rainbows exists only in the inner-world.
And sometimes we will see it reflected in the outer, and sometimes we will not.

You may have heard of the idea that your thoughts create your life.
And we may have different opinions on the extend of this, which is cool. I’m not even sure what my opinion is on that, to be honest.
But still, we can agree to disagree, if needed.

However, what I will tell you with utmost conviction, and I would be annoyingly persistent on this because I believe your life could one day be dependent on it, so what I will tell you is this:
The good can come if it already existed inside of you.

No outside power will force feed you your blessings and you would not be able to digest them anyway.
But most of all, there is absolutely no way you (or I) would be able to hold on to them.

In the unlikely case we would receive good fortune that we do not have the internal soil for to plant it into, symbol of our fertile consciousness that is ready to welcome these blessings;
It cannot root and will evaporate and disappear.

A long time ago, I went on a quest to develop my sexuality.

I found a guide on spiritual sexuality for women and it immediately shot root.
I understood this idea of who I would “become” if I started living it.

When the journey ended, I looked back realizing I had taken the long route.
There had been nothing I needed to do.

That one single moment when I embraced the idea;
I was already there.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

After 8 years of despair, anger and emotional isolation that seemed to last forever, I’ve finally come out the other side.
Fulfilled. Renewed. And for lack of a better word: Happy!
Intense, like the sun on your skin after eons of darkness.

And I am so grateful to be alive, yet at the same time I suspect my death also already happened.
Or maybe just my acquired personality?
That I am now the same person, as the child I once was.
Because it does feel vaguely familiar.

Death has become meaningless to me, but unfortunately so did many of the things I once valued.
My heart is no longer in it.

It’s like one of the first things I learned about running a business, that you had to go from working IN your business to ON, your business.
In much the same way I am no longer IN my life.
I’m outside looking in, or visiting.
Without any desire to be indoors.

The phase I’m in now is probably best described as “recalibration”!
A strange process of finding out what is still valuable or meaningful to me.

I also feel a strong desire to fill my life with purposeful work, art, beauty, hope and positivity.
And zero stress!
Stress would definitely be a sign of having ended up “inside” of life.
Where I can’t see nor know what’s actually going on.

My life carries so much more meaning now, its colors are so vibrant, its textures so rich.
At the same time it’s empty and the separation seems final.
This is it.

I would not wish this path upon anyone, and yet now that I am through it, its gifts are undeniable.
I am happy, free, and there is childlike joy and wonder, in the smallest things.

Now, here, after 8 years, I can see I was never taken out to learn a lesson or be delayed.
But to be saved.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

Like with the 5 senses, I got so used to there being more that I forgot what the normal amount was.
We say “the 6th sense” when we mean things based on intuition, on instinct or even paranormal.
It’s everything that cannot be perceived with the other 5 senses:
Taste, smell, sight, hearing, and feeling.

But where the 6th sense is basically an umbrella term, naming dimensions seems to be a science.
Even though to someone remarkably uneducated on the subject (me), what lies beyond our dimension is as much of a black box as everything outside our senses.

My guess is dimensions are a more competitive field, probably due to more scientific involvement.
When no one cares enough to specify the term 6th sense.

I have heard the 3D being extrapolated up to the 12th dimension.
With the 5D being a popular sphere to talk about on YouTube.
According to spiritual YouTube channels, many of us are ascending into this 5th dimension, but the realm of the 3D stays around for those who are not ready to ascend.
The dimensions intersect and it’s not a rapture where the baddies get left behind.

I’ve also heard the fourth dimension being one of love, of the heart.
So if you live from selfless, pure love, then you are in the 4th dimension.
But despite remembering these things from 2024-ish YouTube, I consider myself dimension illiterate.

I did consider diving into it today, so I could tell you what I learned. But the first thing I read is that there is no consensus. Physics, mathematics, and spirituality all have different interpretations of what dimensions are.

So I figure we might as well resort to only having one word for everything not in the 3D.

I’m pitching: “The Nhere”
Not from here.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I used to call it the coffee pot principle:
Anything in life is going to require a container to hold it.
But others have said the same thing by emphasizing the importance of systems.

In the coffeepot analogy, systems would refer to the importance of processes like cleaning and maintaining the pot, the equipment and the workspace, and repurposing your waste.

And although I like the simplicity of the coffee pot analogy, (bring a big pot if you want big things) it are in fact always the processes (and rarely the hardware) that kills your buzz, your business, your friendships and your dreams.

Even if you would have all the skills to run your coffee pot like a champ, your time is still limited, on a good day.
And plummeting to zero the moment Life happens!

Even if you have a completely regulated life, we still share that experience of suddenly, or chronically, having something else demanding our attention.

One by one our systems collapse, and chaos takes over.

The first 2 weeks of this year, my life was taken over trying to tackle mice.
They had entered in December, but it was the loose holiday schedule from our waste collection service, and a stone marten that left, that was quickly turning them from winter guests into permanent residents.
And they were using my kitchen.

Yet aside from a few cracks, which were sealed, there was nothing wrong with my “coffeepot”, the house.
What had failed was my process of maintaining it.
Which is now so strict we can setup open heart surgery in my kitchen.

What we have built requires our constant attention or it returns to its native state of chaos. The 3D world in particular, is extremely fragile.

It requires us, you, to be in it.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

It’s impossible to put the pieces together, or establish the chronology of things.
All I can say is that by now, I have become one with what I do. And I mean, what I actually do when “left unsupervised” which I always think is such a cute expression when used for adults.
But also when I am “supervised”!

Because I still do it when logically speaking, socially speaking, or economically speaking, I should be doing something else.

I’ve even had an entire era of my life where I did not attend to my health at all, but this comes with the disclaimer that I could afford to not pay attention because my work as a yoga teacher provided a solid foundation.
I rode my bicycle to my classes, did a lot of yoga, and the night time classes prevented me from going out.
So although I drank alcohol, the occasions to do so were extremely limited.

But I suspect that if I had not taught yoga, but had had a job at an office, I would still not have made an effort health wise.

So this work, for me, is writing.
That, is the thing I actually did when people assumed I was a yoga teacher, a business owner, and so on.
To this day, people assume that by work I mean my professional life.

When it is not, and it has never been.
And the exact same thing goes for you.
What you love doing, is what you are designed to do, here on this earth.

Many assume that “it” can’t be it!
Because of a string of reasons tied to either the financial side of it, or because it’s so much fun; “Anyone would want that”.

No; YOU want that!
And yes, it’s still your work even if it doesn’t make you money.

This thing is your calling, and it has been carved into the deepest layers of your being.
This was not left up to chance.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

Writing this in 2026, I can say:
“Another year, another World Economic Forum conference.”
Because this meetup in Davos is taking place on the day this is posted.

But a decade from now, I have no idea what world you are in.
You could be reading these stories in the printed form of a book, or you could be my cave buddy and you’re helping me out with the clay tablets.
Focused on the work of leaving some mark of civilization behind.

But whatever our different living situations might be, what we probably share is that our lives are like children’s.
All important decisions are made without us, being told just enough simplistic Sunday school versions of the truth, to be informed.
At least, technically.

Yet even that layer is one we should cherish, because it is directly linked to media providing at least some form of accountability.

In Europe, international power structures have been in place for thousands of years.
Yet the people were not informed, not educated, pitted against one another and weaponized to do the dirty work. 
We are not in a good situation, but at least this day and age we know who’s coming for us.

It reminds me of this ancient story, about a land worker who sees the king being carried around, and wishes he were the king.
And the story is much longer than I remember, but it ends of course in the king looking at the worker and wishing he were them.
Relieved of the constant worry and responsibility.

So maybe whatever our times, or however our situation, the work is the same.
The work right in front of you.
It’s the everyday things.

Perhaps the wisdom for the ages is to focus on the work that has been given to you.
Nothing more, yet certainly nothing less.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

To this day I don’t know why I didn’t like the French book Le Petit Prince.
Well, a translated one, since I don’t understand more French than the title.

It’s of course difficult to understand what I mean by “Like”, as everyone knows who used Social Media in the binary time when the only emoji for a post was “a like”.
A thumbs up.
This often lead to people also placing a comment, explaining the thumb did not mean they actually liked the sad event that had happened in the post.

Nowadays the response emojis are more diversified. A heart, a thumbs up, a sad emoji, and a link to the full menu of all other available emojis are now standard.
We no longer have to limit a quick response to “Like”.

When it comes to reading books or watching movies however, we’ve always had access to more words and to providing more context.
So when I say I didn’t like Le Petit Prince, let me preface that by saying I refrain from watching any form of drama.
I find drama overwhelming, notice it hardens me, and it seems to make me deeply cynical.

But I don’t recall Le Petit Prince being dramatic in the sense of reflecting the injustice of our societies, or the horrible things people do to each other.
Instead, the prince was the only person on his planet and he was terribly lonely.

Over time I did not change my opinion on the book (still no Like from me!) but I did get a little more eloquent as to why I did not like it.
Because I understood we are all just as alone as the Little Prince is.

According to the book description, the Prince ultimately ends up on Earth.
And I think he will make a great Earthling.

His heart is open to connect and it is so much bigger than ours.
It holds infinite space.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

This post was written Wednesday 31st 2025, on the first morning I have quit being online, in the same way I once quit smoking.
Restless, resentful, and determined to do whatever it takes, because I’m not going through this again.

Unfortunately though, I do not possess the powerful Make or Break Energy which I had back then.
I did not wake up late and hungover after a night of smoking in a venue full of smoke and loud conversations.

But I did wake up groggy, as is pretty much standard since 2020.
And I knew exactly who to blame:
YouTube on my phone.

Decades later “Just one more cigarette” had mutated into “Just one more YouTube video”
And that’s after cancelling evening computer hours, and not having had any subscription to streaming services, for years.

YouTube, the last of my old online addictions, had to go.

And not just because I no longer want to wake up groggy.
I’m also curious if I can regain my 20th century consciousness?
And what will happen if I do?

I predict life will be so colorful, so rich, so interesting.

There’s a lot to do about the concept of hyperreality where AI makes everything look more pretty.

But I think hyperreality is what I will see once my mind is no longer tied to my phone.
And I think it will go beyond this dimension too.

I don’t consider myself psychic, but by now (10 years into our hyper-connected phone era?) I’m definitely curious what I will be able to pick up on, after I’ve stopped numbing myself with YouTube.

What appears once the digital noise has stopped?
What are the messages from the universe?
Who else is there in the unseen?

I am going to rely on whatever I can pick up on in that newfound silence.
Peeking through the veil.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK