Category: That ONE Book (start at any page)

It was voted best Dutch movie of the 20th century and had 3.3 million people seeing it in theatres.
A success similar to the 1969 book with the same title.

Both this Dutch movie and its bestselling novel went international under the name “Turkish Delight”.
A direct translation of the Dutch title.

My guess is the subtitled version of the movie Turkish Delight did not gain a lot of traction until the 80s, when VHS made distribution more accessible.

This coincided with Turkish Delight’s director Paul Verhoeven as well as lead actor Rutger Hauer, now having Hollywood careers.
The film was studied by people who were looking into either one.

But what was it about Turkish Delight that had made it so compelling to begin with?

The novel was written by the Netherlands’ iconic writer, Jan Wolkers.
As opposed to his contemporaries, Jan wasn’t just a flamboyant writer but also an artist who drew and sculpted women.
This gave him a colorful life to write about, and he pulls you straight into his bed, writing this book in the first person.

The opening page describes him touching himself while looking at a photo of his ex-girlfriend. He is angry she left him for a traveling salesman.
After weeks of self-pity he gets his act together, takes a shower, dresses up and embarks on a string of sexual escapades.
Sometimes three women in a day.

What is not said in the book, but I remember it from the movie, is how bohemian and artistic the space is.

A ground floor studio in Amsterdam. It’s a workshop and living space in one.

Everything is drenched in sunlight;
The messy bed, white walls, paintings, drawings, sculptures, work in progress everywhere.

Is an artist’s life their truest art?

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
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offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I remember finding a box of chocolate mints after a garden party. The morning in our backyard was so fresh, but nothing had been cleaned. There were still bottles and glasses, spread over small side-tables and a folding table.
Worstcase scenario?
First alcohol experiment age six.
Don’t think so, although it would explain disliking the sip of cola I tasted there.

No, I want to talk about the best thing that happened!

Well first of all, the AM discovery really did feel like kids in a candy story. A treasure trove of party leftovers.
Salted peanuts, some crisps maybe. The empty glasses, bottles, full ashtrays and both used and unused napkins, felt like discovering the remains of a world we were not allowed to enter.

But I would probably have forgotten it, had it not been for discovering a box of After Eight dinner mints, which appeared to be empty.
On closer inspection, I discovered 3 to 5 mints, stacked together vertically hidden under the flap.
And the mints were indeed in mint condition, as these chocolates are individually wrapped in black paper bags.

I ate one, assuming it was just regular chocolate, and was a little overwhelmed by the intense taste.
But immediately hooked.

There were other children there as well, and I must have offered to share, but as I recall I ended up eating them myself.
Hooked to this day, and I rarely have them in the house, because I can’t possibly pace myself with them.

Years later I remember a new discovery, which is the text on the back. I expected a whole brand story there, but it was just the name, repeated over and over.
Which was probably for the better, because it already had my personal story.

In the forbidden garden of delight.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I don’t know what scares me more:
The thought of having a full life again, and even busier and more surprising than ever before. With international travel, adventures, and a mission.
But also forgetting the lessons intense isolation taught me.

Or for this loneliness to be eternal.
Which does have the unexpected advantage of never forgetting the profound life-changing insights loneliness gave me.
I would never need a cheat sheet because the lessons would never become a memory in the first place. They’d stay a lived experience.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have so much faith my life will move forward like that first paragraph.
If someone asked me for advice there, about the unnamed fear of losing the only thing, the very gift, their darkest years have taught them, then I would answer:
“Give yourself room to lose it. Be great in the beginning, then deteriorate, talk nonsense. Let people judge you’ve lost it. Let yourself be remembered as someone, who for a very brief moment and through great personal sacrifice, was given an almost divine clarity.
And then dropped back into the limited human consciousness we all have.
Let it go.”

So I will tell myself that too.

But the second one? Tougher. It means an acceptance that you may not matter, and a letting go of the need to ever be witnessed, to ever be acknowledged.
And yet rationally I can see how the path I am on cannot be complete without fully embracing the idea it will never end and I’ll be “here” forever.

What I answer now is this:
Anywhere you want to go, it can only feel good if you consciously chose it.
Including accepting loss, isolation, and aware that in the end;

The path could turn out to have been the destination.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I made a radical decision recently. It’s not quite operational yet, so I still copy it every time I rewrite my schedule of recurring work, scribbled at the bottom.
Exclaiming: “Oh yes! That’s a good one!”
I already forgot it.

So I wrote it out again but when I live and breathe this life slogan, I will no longer need a visual reminder.

The words are this:
“I’m going to love the shit out of everybody I know and meet.”
Woah!

However, I will not be selling you on this as a miracle cure.
Most notably because I have spent years creating distance from others or you could say that “the years have been creating distance.”
So I do not have strong emotional bonds anymore, which was originally not by choice.

The majority of relationships simply disappeared, and where I did actively participate it always had an outcome that seemed inevitable and aligned.

Until a combination of relationships ending or changing, as well as a newfound standpoint about the nature of relationships in the abstract sense, I realized it was all already done.
It had all already happened.
The era where I still actively participated in relationships was over, and I could not go back.

It’s like when you buy a new phone and your old charger has the wrong plug.
It no longer fits your new phone.
In the same way, I was no longer able to dock, recharge or connect with my old life, with a USB 2026 socket.

I am in a rebuilding phase now, pondering questions like:
“Now what?”
When I noticed the tremendous space that had formed itself around my heart.

Love was no longer specific, no longer bound.
And also: Everyone who had ever been there, was still here.

It had become largely infinite and infinitely large.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

It is possible to get over your worst breakups and to experience a full healing, without a trace of what you went through.

Not only will your feelings for the person disappear entirely but, like a magic spell, all turmoil will be erased from your memory as well.
Sure, technically, you will still remember what you went through, and where you were when it happened.

Yet you will also be unable to resist the temptation to turn this whole saga into a juicy story.
The emotional layers will have completely disappeared.

However, the bad news is that it was probably this very breakdown where you promised yourself:
“Never again!”
That allowed it to clear up to the point of you not having any emotions with regard to the person or situation.

And it is from that state of being, that I wonder:
“Is what I can give freely, without the risk of grief uprooting my life, is that still enough?”
And if so, then will it also be enough if a new partner is your Sent-By-God-Divinely-Aligned Twin?

Maybe I’ve watched too many romantic movies – well, I certainly have – that I don’t recognize an emotionally healthy and mature relationship.
‘Cause I’d say, at first glance, the risk averse management of the connection equals you not properly feeding it, but starving it.

Until I got an entirely new thought.
Because what if having your emotions under control, is what is actually REQUIRED?
And not just with divine love, but always!
That we go through heartbreak in service of the next connection.
To smoothen it, like a diamond is polished and refined.

Whether you’re in the midst of it right now, or already cracking jokes about it, know this;
You will not just love again.

But you will love even more.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I only know three women, and that includes one famous one, whom I would call nomads.
And no men.
Ironically, since men are usually the ones portrayed as the drifters, the minimalists, the ones who have detached themselves from material possessions, got over their past, and broke generational spells that were carried over in old memories.

And I don’t know if these three women have really done this inner-work I attribute to their lone wolf status, but that does not take away from how aspirational I find them.

How acutely aware I become of the heaviness of my diaries and notebooks mostly, but paperwork in general.
I have gone over the purpose of keeping them multiple times, and it is like intellectually I stand by it, but emotionally I don’t.

I think it must be somehow linked though to not wanting new furniture, and being thrilled with my old pieces.
They carry so many memories like who gifted it to me, on which flea market I found it, what the special occasion was to buy something new, or what I acquired because the previous tenant left them.

My bed couch has a two-meter long hammock underneath where you could theoretically store your duvet and pillows, but it is used by my cats in case of emergency.
I cut the opening a little wider, so they can still use it now that they’re fully grown.
I was afraid their bigger bodies would otherwise get stuck.

But to replace this squeaky old bed couch?
Never.
It’s my cats’ panic room.

Maybe it’s a good one for 10, 15 years from now, when I no longer have pets.
An endgame to no longer be living in this Akashic library of my life, but to be free of my old self and its remains.
Belong to the earth.
And to carry belonging in my heart.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I have a guilty pleasure I never told anyone.
It’s not sexual, but it is perverted.

I love it when soft values are tied to capitalist measurements.

It is a form of modern day heresy, when what we need is more respect for what is of real value, instead of willingly contaminating it with financial language.

It started when I was introduced to the concept of Erotic Capital.
I think there was even a book with that name (just checked! true!) which acknowledged that attractiveness but also sexual experience gave you “capital”. Leverage. Bargaining chips.

It’s one of the few paths where there is still economic mobility:
You can still get doors to open, if you play your cards right.

Now obviously there’s a lot to unpack here about patriarchy and how it enforces beauty standards that suppress women and women’s engagement.
But I won’t go there.

When I write I allow myself to not try to figure out the workings of thousand year old power structures, and can even enjoy the guilty pleasures I discovered in them.

Which is that beauty and sex being capital, was gasoline on my already blazing fire.

Until I snapped out of it!
What was I thinking?!
And forgot it, until the topic resurfaced again. Under a different name, but definitely for the same game.

Sexual capital.
Creative capital.
Social capital.
Sexual Power.
The Power of Seduction by Robert Greene.

And ultimately just:
Power.

Because this had been the key:
I wanted power.

It had all started in 1992, with the movie Basic Instinct featuring Sharon Stone.

I was mesmerized by her. And wanted to know what made this woman so powerful.
Not just her estimated assets of 110 million, apparently.

And it was a lot, closer to home.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

I’m happy I didn’t know how long this would take. Not what it was, nor why it happened. I was free to brush it off as a temporary deviance from the normal, attributed the common causes and labeled in a way that normalized it.

But part of me knew it wasn’t.
I was being separated from life itself.
And it hurt.

The first years were filled with connections falling away, that had been difficult for a longer time.
Change that was not necessarily my own initiative, but that I could quickly recognize as being the best for all parties, once they had happened.
There was a certain inevitability to them.

After that another few years, where the relationships closest to me, either fell away or changed at their core.
These were the most disturbing and discouraging years, and yet I still thought I could save something, needed healing, or that these events were comorbid to a crisis or problem that had a name and a solution.
They were not.

Being stripped of all my relationships was what those years were for.

And then finally, as if taken away by unseen forces, all people who had been loyal to me were taken away.
As if a soundproof wall was placed between us.
We could still visit each other, but were no longer connected.

None of this was chosen.
As far as I know I was happy, and I had consistently been happy for as long as I could remember.
I also did not have any urges to glow up my life or do a makeover!

If it had been up to me, nothing major would have changed.
And from my point of view, no result would have been worth this cost.
Yet it happened.

And I am determined to squeeze it for every lesson.

Because this was never ever chosen.
But I will alchemize every horror into gold.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

It is never in the doing of the thing.
Not in the having, not in the seeing, not in the measuring, not in the actual experience, not in the validation, the accolades, the praise or the approval.

It, the dream, the goal, the new life of unicorns and rainbows exists only in the inner-world.
And sometimes we will see it reflected in the outer, and sometimes we will not.

You may have heard of the idea that your thoughts create your life.
And we may have different opinions on the extend of this, which is cool. I’m not even sure what my opinion is on that, to be honest.
But still, we can agree to disagree, if needed.

However, what I will tell you with utmost conviction, and I would be annoyingly persistent on this because I believe your life could one day be dependent on it, so what I will tell you is this:
The good can come if it already existed inside of you.

No outside power will force feed you your blessings and you would not be able to digest them anyway.
But most of all, there is absolutely no way you (or I) would be able to hold on to them.

In the unlikely case we would receive good fortune that we do not have the internal soil for to plant it into, symbol of our fertile consciousness that is ready to welcome these blessings;
It cannot root and will evaporate and disappear.

A long time ago, I went on a quest to develop my sexuality.

I found a guide on spiritual sexuality for women and it immediately shot root.
I understood this idea of who I would “become” if I started living it.

When the journey ended, I looked back realizing I had taken the long route.
There had been nothing I needed to do.

That one single moment when I embraced the idea;
I was already there.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

After 8 years of despair, anger and emotional isolation that seemed to last forever, I’ve finally come out the other side.
Fulfilled. Renewed. And for lack of a better word: Happy!
Intense, like the sun on your skin after eons of darkness.

And I am so grateful to be alive, yet at the same time I suspect my death also already happened.
Or maybe just my acquired personality?
That I am now the same person, as the child I once was.
Because it does feel vaguely familiar.

Death has become meaningless to me, but unfortunately so did many of the things I once valued.
My heart is no longer in it.

It’s like one of the first things I learned about running a business, that you had to go from working IN your business to ON, your business.
In much the same way I am no longer IN my life.
I’m outside looking in, or visiting.
Without any desire to be indoors.

The phase I’m in now is probably best described as “recalibration”!
A strange process of finding out what is still valuable or meaningful to me.

I also feel a strong desire to fill my life with purposeful work, art, beauty, hope and positivity.
And zero stress!
Stress would definitely be a sign of having ended up “inside” of life.
Where I can’t see nor know what’s actually going on.

My life carries so much more meaning now, its colors are so vibrant, its textures so rich.
At the same time it’s empty and the separation seems final.
This is it.

I would not wish this path upon anyone, and yet now that I am through it, its gifts are undeniable.
I am happy, free, and there is childlike joy and wonder, in the smallest things.

Now, here, after 8 years, I can see I was never taken out to learn a lesson or be delayed.
But to be saved.

.
~Suzanne Beenackers
Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

Subscribe to Catacombe, and receive
That ONE Book (start at any page)
in your Inbox.

offers for Rock Stars
📍📡🖤-> https://catacombenijmegen.com/current-offer/

about this series

That ONE Book is the book I always think I own, until I realize it has not been written yet. So in December 2025 I started writing it myself.
I’m going for writing 365 chapters over the course of 9 years, and then bring it to print.
You can read all posts in this series here.

.

Catacombe is email-list free!!

Yes – you can subscribe to receive new blogposts;
But no additional or promotional emails are sent – just the blog, sec.

Instagram – Twitter – Rock Star Writer Facebook – Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver – LinkedIn

🖤

Catacombe’s other series “Rock Star Take On”
also goes out on ->
https://www.youtube.com/@TheNewRockStarChannel.

&

🗞️📰 since MAY 2024: SUBSTACK